Sam’s Story

My name is Sam Tullman, or in the Zen tradition I practice, my name is Koû. I was diagnosed when I was 8 years old. 

I feel like I have a lot to thank this disease for. Luckily, my family was prepared when I was diagnosed; my cousin had already had T1D for a few years and our family was already involved in T1D advocacy. My parents had a sense of best practices and, this knowledge combined with their deep determination for me to have an incredibly rich, unhindered experience of the world shielded me from some of the worst that can come of this disease. If there’s one thing T1D has taught me about life, it’s that first and often seriously misunderstood truth of Buddhism: suffering, or unsatisfactoriness. For me, that doesn’t mean rolling over and giving up; that’s what happens when we deny that suffering or discomfort is part of this life experience - we think that something is wrong when we’re uncomfortable. Looking in the face of how much of a struggle life with T1D can be is actually unbelievably freeing. It’s SUPPOSED to be hard. Once that’s normalized, you can find joy in any situation, even when blood sugars are frustrating and “out of control.”

If it weren’t for T1D, I never would have found these things that bring me the most joy in life; I simply wouldn’t have been crazy enough! Under most normal circumstances, a person doesn’t find themselves studying their own brain activity, and the brain activity of meditation masters and people on death row. Nor do most people start doing capoeira (read: Afro-Brazilian dance-fighting) unless they’re truly looking for a liberative movement practice. And Zen? Forget about it.

But I didn’t have normal circumstances. I had, and have, T1D. I’ll never be able to settle with my life because of that. The standard way other people live doesn’t work that well for me. So instead I get to be creative, I get to find the best practices, I get to meet some of the coolest people in the world. What a gift this thing has been. 

Sam Tullman

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