Alex's Story
“Alexander Donnelly
Type 1 Diabetes
Insulin Dependent”
Or so reads my new medical ID bracelet, which arrived in the mail last week. It is a silver pendant attached to a silver chain, which the saleswoman told me would look ‘manly’. It’s designed to keep me safe in case I pass out in the streets after a long run through Central Park, or something dramatic like that. The finance professional in me says that the $60 it cost is likely the best investment I will (hopefully) never need. And yet, I don’tthink I’ve hated anything more.
To quote The Office, if I was in a room with Hitler, Osama Bin Laden, and my medical ID bracelet, and had a gun with just two bullets, I would shoot my medical ID bracelet twice. Contrary to the saleswoman’s words, it does not make me feel ‘manly’ at all. It makes me feel weak; different from everyone else. It is a constant reminder that, as much as I joke about my conditions, I’m actually in constant danger. This “diabetes” thing is apparently a serious enough medical condition to warrant a medical scarlet letter (of sorts).
My friends have all said exactly what they’re supposed to. How they don’t notice it -- they think it looks cool! And sometimes that helps me forget. But then I grab the subway pole on my way to work the next day and notice a stranger stare as the bracelet rides up my arm. I am no longer a stranger on the subway - I am a stranger on the subway with a medical condition. Though I’m rational enough to knowno one actually notices, I still can’t help but feel that everyone is staring. And it is just…always there! There when I am in the shower, there when I am getting changed. There when I go for a run, to the gym, or on a date. I am literally chained to this disease that I have spent the better part of the past 18 months trying to pretend was not a big deal. There is nothing I want to do more than snap the bracelet in half.
The only silver lining about this (admittedly silver) bracelet is that is has provided some of the angry energy I needed as I enter the final two weeks before the NYC Marathon. I completed my first and last 20-mile training run this weekend, which tells me I can do this. Hell, the first 12 miles were even enjoyable. Definitely not something I’d ever be able to do when I started training back in April. And you can bet that I gave the middle finger to my bracelet as I crossed mile 20, just for good measure.
When I was diagnosed with diabetes, a doctor told me I’d have to cut back on my physical activity. We got a second opinion, and I’m glad we did: running for me, its proof that I have power over my disease.. Frankly, the only reason I wanted to run this race was to prove to myself than I can – that diabetes is not going to get in my way, medical ID bracelet or not.
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I first wrote this jumbled collection of thoughts in October of 2015. This fall, I will be completing my 4th marathon - raising money for diabetes research every step of the way. I’ve gotten used to the bracelet, by the way, and I’ve gotten used to my Dexcom and my Medtronic pump too. If there's one thing I've learnedwith diabetes, it is to not make a mountain out of a molehill - whether on the on or off the racecourse.
Alex Donnelly